Chapter 219: Live to Sienna Pt.219

“You must be happy. Before, you had to be concerned about the fact that you had two empresses, but now you’re left with one. The one empress that you really care about.”

“...”

Carl was silent for a few minutes. Not because he was bothered by what Bluebell said, but he seemed to be tired of talking with the upset Bluebell and hoping to wait until she calmed down.

Bluebell’s shoulders lost momentum and went down. To vent one’s feelings to Carl was as futile as to speak against the wall.

Only then did Carl open his mouth.

“You’ll avoid the death sentence.”

Bluebell’s eyes grew wide momentarily. It was the news of hope that came at a time when she was distressed because she seemed to have a guillotine waiting for her head right away. If she doesn’t get a death sentence... in part of her heart, the possibility of a ‘what if?’ came.

Could he still have lingering feelings for her? Even a little bit, even a little bit... Maybe she could try and get my place back.

But her hopes were shattered by the next series of words from Carl.

“Sienna asked me a favor. So that you would avoid getting a death sentence.”

Carl looked like he was saying that this was annoying, but Sienna asked for it, so he’s just doing it for her.

“So I decided to let you go without a death sentence. Come to think of it, it’s also uncomfortable to punish the empress who I was married to. You will soon be contacted, to be deposed and live in a castle at the eastern end of the country with no escape for life.”

He turned around and left the room as if he had said everything he wanted to. Bluebell was angry at Carl, who showed no signs of lingering feelings. She felt pathetic and shabby, dreaming of hope even for a very short time.

Unable to contain her anger, she threw her cushion to the floor. She wanted to destroy everything, but as soon as it was revealed that she was involved in the rebellion, all the gifts that she had received so far were confiscated. They also took all the expensive decorations, saying a prisoner’s room doesn’t have to be fancy.

All she could throw and smash was the cushion.

“It’s all because of her!”

She blamed Sienna for taking the seat of the first empress, for not being able to sleep with Carl, for not having children, and for not having the heart of Carl. Even now that the rebellion failed, her mind had not changed much.

Bluebell knew deep in her heart that it wasn’t Sienna’s fault, but she couldn’t accept it. She felt like that if she acknowledged the truth, she would completely lose her mind, which she was already barely holding onto.

“I’m sure she asked Carl to do that to laugh at me! She took me as a scapegoat because she wanted to look like an angel to Carl!”

Bluebell went wild saying Sienna used her.

“No, maybe it’s because she wants to watch me slowly fall apart. She’ll expect me to die a miserable death with no hope, no one to lean on, and no place to lean on!”

Bluebell suffered from her self-victimization. She felt like Sienna asked Carl to save her to make her suffer.

“If not, why would she ask him to rescue me?!”

She nibbled on her fingernails walking nervously around the room. At this rate, she would have to struggle in pain and die miserably old as Sienna intended. She didn’t want to live such a miserable life.

Moreover, she couldn’t bear the fact that she could keep her life alive thanks to Sienna. It was time to blow up against Sienna again.

‘It’s because of you.’

A sudden auditory hallucination startled Bluebell. Recently, she had been hearing voices of discontent from time to time.

‘You’ve killed us!’

Bluebell sat down and shut her ears and started screaming.

“No! I don’t care! I didn’t kill you!”

The horrors of the day unfolded again before Bluebell’s eyes.

Arya and her father knew they were going to revolt. When the carriage entered the alley, Bluebell knew that arrows would pour out like showers from the rooftops of buildings on their left and right. That the knights who were just marching together would draw their swords, and that some of the citizens who had been cheering them would hold up the dagger they were hiding in their arms.

But knowing and seeing the misery with her own eyes were different. In the face of the madness that she helped create, Bluebell could not keep her sanity. Screams and spewing red blood soaked her mind.

Shouting that it was not her fault did not mean that the guilt would disappear. Nor did the victims’ resentment disappear.

-You’ve already done something irreversible. All you can do now is apologize to those who lost their lives and those who lost their loved ones. Don’t die, stay alive till the end and ask for forgiveness!

Bluebell shook her head remembering what Sienna had said.

“Don’t you dare! Why would I?! I’m a victim, too! It’s not my fault!”

She sprang to her feet. She felt dizzy because she hadn’t had a meal for a while. She went to the window holding back her nausea.

Next to the thick curtain, which was drawn to cover the sight of the acrid black smoke outside, there was a band that tied the tie-back curtain. A long string made of twisted golden thread hung on the ring.

Bluebell picked it up and looked at it for a long time.

When she decided to escape by death, the first thing that came to her mind was the nanny. She must have nagged that it was a great sin to kill herself, and she must survive somehow. Bluebell shook her head roughly.

“No. The nanny will understand. It’s more miserable to survive. She wouldn’t want me to rot so horribly. I can’t help it.”

Bluebell hung the tieback from the bedpost. It was as if a nanny with a sad face was looking at her from the side. It was not known whether it was the spirit of the nanny or the projection of her insane brain, but it did not matter.

The nanny had a face that wanted to stop Bluebell. The nanny moved her mouth, but no sound was heard.

“I can’t do that, nanny, because I’m a coward. I can’t live with those evil spirits that cling to me all my life. Besides, everyone will laugh at me being dragged down from the empress’ seat. I can’t be their laughing stock.”

Bluebell smiled emptily at the nanny.

She made sure that the string was tightly tied to the post and wrapped it around her neck. The nanny was crying in front of her.

Bluebell smiled at her. It was the most beautiful, and the last smile she could show her nanny.

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As everyone was paying keen attention to the rebellion, even small news spread quickly.

Especially when it comes to the news of the imperial family, maids were the quickest to hear and spread the news. Because they could easily share information with each other in a special space called laundry. Hain also went out to the laundry every day for that reason.

In the past, a maid who gave information would have told Hain only after she had raised her chin up high and pretended to be better than Hain, but now things have changed. She was the head maid of Sienna, who would soon be the only empress and beloved by the emperor. Hain was to be the most powerful maid in the palace.

When something happened, everyone ran to Hain to tell her the news. So it was Hain who was getting the most information in the castle right now.

She quickly returned to give Sienna the news she had recently obtained.

“Your Majesty the Empress!”

Sienna, who was looking at the flowers lying at the entrance to the guest room, looked back at her and said, “Hain, you scolded other maids not to run around the castle, and then you run around like that.”

“I’ve got some news to tell you now. The Second Empress, PANTING HEAVILY.”

She couldn’t speak properly because she was out of breath. But Sienna had some predictions.

“I know. You’re saying that Empress Bluebell wasn’t given a death sentence, right? Carl said he’d let her avoid the death sentence.”

Hain, who managed to calm down, said to Sienna.

“That’s not it! Yesterday, Empress Bluebell hanged herself in her room!”

“...”

Looking at Sienna’s stiffening look, Hain said embarrassedly.

“Did I say something I shouldn’t have? Are you all right?”

“...yes, it’s all right. I’ll have to sit down first.”

Hain helped Sienna to sit on the sofa.

“In the end... ...I see.”

Although Sienna was surprised at the news of Bluebell’s suicide, she also understood her decision.

‘She must have been hopeless. And to go on living on her own with all that guilt must have been astounding.’

Sienna nodded with a sad face.

The reason why she asked Carl to spare Bluebell’s life was not because she felt compassionate toward her.

The Bluebell of the past was different from this one. Although she died in the hands of Arya, she was not a rebel involved in treason. Just as Sienna herself led a different life based on her choices, Bluebell made different decisions that made her life different.

So Sienna couldn’t just blame Bluebell like everyone else had. Because she also had a past when she made similar decisions to that of Bluebell.